my scared

my scared

so it was as though i floated away and there is no
other way I can tell you. the earth became distant.
i got scared, not like when something frightens you.
the kind of scared when you want it. everything
was black, but the opposite of nothing.

hovering means something below you and there
wasn’t, so I can’t tell you what we were doing but
we were not falling. the only way I knew there was
anyone beside myself was because my scared
was the kind when you want it.

no one spoke but we breathed, and when we did
little puffs of whiteness covered continents. fell over
a hemisphere, an ocean like a cloud. then I heard
without words but loud, and quiet, imagine this.
to close my eyes would snap the equator shut.

this ball of blue future, hurtling. i listened as i’ve
never listened, and drenched a rain forest in mist.
gravity falling in upon itself, and – as I said, none
of this was scaring me, because my scared was
cared for and black was the opposite of nothing –

all that you see here not being able to recover.
every pinprick of orbited fire, gone. i shivered, but
not in fright, for in that moment my scared taught me
what i’d sought, a long life ago. without turning, i
concluded, impossible, and felt a nod.

because we are here to discuss this. we breathed
out those white puffs of moisture, covering alaska,
china, entire seas. a loud silence, broken
by the presence to my right saying, no one but you
has ever known this, but even god has a god.

© Ciprianowords Inc. 2009